Six months ago at about 10am, I got the "my waters have broken" call from my incredibly calm wife, as our whole life was about to change for good that day.
We had an incredibly smooth birth and our beautiful girl Lily was born at 7:04pm. The following week wasn't so smooth as we were forced to spend the next seven days in hospital as Lily had picked up a blood infection. Needless to say it was worrying time for us all and not the start we had envisioned for our daughters first week on earth, but she fought through it and seven days after her birth we were driving her home (very slowly).
No matter how prepared you might think you are, there is nothing that can prepare you for the roller coaster that comes with being a new parent. It's a steep learning curve to say the least and I'm still learning every day, but here are a six things that I have learned in my first 6 months of parenthood.
1. You're Both Being Moulded
Whilst we might think that we're moulding our children into who they will become, they are also moulding us into who we need to be without even realising it.
It sounds like a cliché, but becoming a father has totally changed my life, its taught me how to effectively manage my time and get the most out of every single day even when I'm running on fumes after only getting a few hours of sleep each night. More importantly than any of that it's made me a better man, because I realise that my every move is being watched by my daughter and I need to be the man she and my wife deserve.
2. How To Budget
Before Lily came along I used to waste my money on a lot of unnecessary things, because I could. Once you go down to one income you quickly learn to budget and you quickly learn that you don't need a new shirt, a couple of cans of monster a day or the latest iPhone.
What you do need is an endless amount of nappies, wet wipes, baby grows, bibs, teething rings, sleeping bags, high chairs, dummies and food in the fridge.
3. You Quickly Get Used To The Variety of Bodily Fluids
When Charlotte and I were faced with our first dirty nappy we had absolutely no idea of where to even start, there was just so much of it, we were both disgusted and in shock. Six months later and I think we're both totally immune to poo, vomit and snot.
No matter how big or runny that present in the nappy is, you just clean it away unfazed, ready for the next poonami.
4. How To Perfect The Smile and Nod Technique
This technique is useful in a whole host of situations. I particularly like to use it when I'm offered unsolicited advice on how we should be raising our child from people without children, who barely know us, let alone our child and what is best for her.
When you've had three hours of sleep and someone without children is dishing out advice on how you should be raising your child, it can wear thin quickly. Everyone has an opinion, just smile and nod, even if you do want to throat-punch them instead.
5. Don't Underestimate How Hard A Mother Works
As a new dad, it would be easy for me to withdraw and make an excuse that Charlotte is better at taking care of Lily (she is) and that she doesn’t need me (she does).
Both parents play important, but different roles when it comes to raising a child and as a dad I've learned my role and the importance of it.
It's easy to think that Charlotte has the greatest job in the world (she does), she gets to stay at home with our daughter, go out for lunch with other mums and watch some day-time TV, sounds pretty great to me.
It was only once Charlotte went out for the day and I was left alone with Lily for the first time that I realised how hard it is to look after a baby and what an incredible job Charlotte does every day.
My plan was to sing Lily to sleep, watch some football and do a little bit of work on the laptop (I can hear a few mums laughing already).
Lily's plan was to cry from the moment Charlotte started the car to five minutes before Charlotte came home.
No amount of singing, dancing or rocking would stop her. I felt completely and utterly powerless and I was getting more and more stressed by the minute, all the crying really does take its toll.
After this experience I realised that my role was to do more to support Charlotte, as my day at work was a walk in the park compared to hers and I was lucky to have such an incredible woman raising our daughter.
I understood that my role was to try and make Charlotte's life easier and take some of the pressure off her. So I made sure I was doing more of the little things. Things like doing the food shop after work, arranging for her to get pampered now and again, cooking dinner, or simply taking Lily out of the flat for a few hours to give Charlotte the chance to rest and have some time to herself without having to rush every moment she gets to herself.
These might seem like small things but they make the world of difference.
6. Enjoy Every Moment and Be There For As Many As You Can
There have been so many special moments with Lily so far. It was exciting to see her beautiful smile develop, to hear her laugh and to see those first teeth push through. I have lost countless hours just staring at her sleep and making sure she's still breathing.
Too many dads miss these little moments. They miss the birth, they miss the baths, they miss the swimming lessons and before they know it their child has grown up and moved out and they're left saying "where has the time gone?"
When Lily eventually leaves our family home (to join a nunnery) I want to know exactly where the time has gone, because I want to be there for as many of the little moments as I can.
I've still got a lot to learn about fatherhood and I'm looking forward to the lessons that the next six months brings with it.
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